I can't breathe I feel like fat on my neck is breaking my throat
Hendrix was once called Hendricks, as is the bad guy of the film Red Dust
of course not the Hendrix
I remember clean sweeped floors and soft lights and hopes and expectations and Hendrix on repeat
I remember you that night, or rather that morning, when you held yourself close to me and nearly made me cry because I felt safe with you around me and inside me
I remember when you made me cry as did the other you on the same day, I remember being dismissed for things of no essential concern
I can't breathe

Sometimes it feels like I carry other's burdens that they shouldn't have been put on me that I was not supposed to fall in love with you or with you or that I was in fact supposed to do exactly that but that you and you were in fact supposed to be able to fall in love with me too that I was in fact supposed to be allowed to be happy for only a second, if only one small second if only I could ever be happy for one tiny second

But I was, wasn't I?
I can't breathe, I couldn't, we were dancing and I held your hand and you looked so absolutely remarkably perfect
streak of hair, dimples
and I felt so infinitely small compared to you yet seen from the outside I am so infinitely out of proportions so physically bigger and wrong

Alex Mpondo only moves his left arm while walking
he doesn't look natural
he looks like an actor, not a person

Oh God I can't breathe I can't breathe there are scents in the air of closening death and I feel pain
But when you smile
preferably at me
Oh God when you smile