I don't know what to say anymore.
it's like my mouth can't really open, it's like my mind can't put words together in sentences.
especially when I try to talk to people who mean something to me, all that comes out is bla bla blabla bla. and who the fuck can be bothered to listen to that?
So I'm cutting little holes in my soul for each word that comes out wrong. Edging a tiny drop of blood for each idiotic mistake. Oh, I'd drain myself if I told you I loved you.
Words used to come so easily for me. It used to feel so right without bother. Words used to come flowing from me and I could make people feel just how I wanted with a tiny sentence or just a single word. or I could write thousands and create new identities and make up new ways of looking at the world. But now, all of a sudden is all that comes out of me blurgh. And I can't even find the words to describe how beautiful the world is or how it makes me feel when you send me that smile out of the corner of your eyes. And in stead of wisely keeping my fat mouth shut I open it time after time to cringing looks and thoughts of "she should really shut up." And there I am, with a knife to my thoughts, once again defeated. I wonder if it will ever return. I wonder if I can ever tell you I love you.