Sometimes when I sit and stare into the thin air in front of me I wish I could impress someone, just by doing something no one else had ever done. I wish I could take the most beautiful picture in the world, write the most haunting poem or play the most perfectsong. But I'll never do any of that, I'm mediocre, and I know mediocre people do exceptional things all the time but I'm not that kind of mediocre, I'm mediocre as in excessible and annoying, I'm mediocre as in "well we kindof expected you to say that," I'm mediocre in the sense that I do things I regret all the time even though I decide not to do them or whatever.

sometimes when I hide in my room and the sun is shining and I'm staring at a point on the wall the light suddenly disappears and all is gone and I dare not blink because what if, when I open my eyes again, the world will be gone and I'll be left in a vacuum with no air or sound or light or taste or smell or anything that any sense can possibly pick up, what if I am just left alone in darkness for all eternity? there's an arab legend that says that out in the desert there's a big mountain, and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen it's beak at the top of the mountain, and the day that mountain is eroded to the ground the first second of eternity has passed by. I don't want to live forever.

I wish one day you would come and smile at me and take my hand, to be honest I don't even know who the fuck you are or if I will ever find you, maybe I have, I think I have, but you haven't found me yet, and yet it all makes me feel so infinitely small, somtimes I just wish my dreams would come true, just once, if I'd just get to hold your hand I'd be more than happy, but that's the problem, I wouldn't because I'd want more, maybe if I could just learn some self control I'd eventually be happy too?

Still I wish you'd smile at me once more, that smile, you know, that makes me melt down and blend into the floor